This is personal. Did I mention how personal this is? I think sometimes I make a statement like this and people believe that I'm commenting on some kind of choice that they're making. Like when I say, "I don't want children" some people hear "no one should want children".  This is truly coming from my heart based off of my life experiences, introspection and coming to terms with what is. Since I was young, adults have been telling me that I am a natural artist. "Oh, she's a natural... she'll want to do something with that when she grows up...". Hearing this for so long, I naturally assumed I'd be some kind of artist when it came time to get an education and eventually a job. I went to Orange County High School of the Arts for their visual arts program as a teenager & eventually looked into attending FIDM or Pasadena college of art & design for college. 

Being the terrible, self-destructive teenager I was, I opted to move to Los Angeles, party and pursue a career as a makeup artist. Eventually I got back to reality and thought that the practical thing to do was to finally go to art school to become who I truly was. "The money is in the internet" my Dad would say and I believed him. I'd taught myself photoshop when I was 17 and learned HTML in order to decorate my myspace page and livejournal. It just made sense. It took one semester and about three paid web design projects for me to instantly learn that I did not want to be the hand that knows the programs. Turning other people's visions into a reality was never for me & anything commissioned was going to my sponsors input. The oatmeal makes a hilarious comic about How A Web Design Goes Straight to Hell & so far I haven't had an experience very far off from this one. 

I learned a long time ago that my creativity can only be used for one thing: making myself happy. If others enjoy what makes me happy, awesome! I'm certainly not going to depend on it especially when it comes to making money. I love taking photos, painting, knitting, cooking & doing many, many creative things- but I know it has to be on my terms. If this makes me a control freak: so be it. 

I am an esthetician by day. I pay monthly rent but all of my clients are mine and it's up to me to rule my business. People come to me for my expertise and no one tells me how to do what I do. I keep my own hours, organize my own marketing and do my own taxes. I really don't have to answer to anyone which is my ultimate goal. It took me forever to get here, but I don't feel guilty about it anymore. And I certainly don't feel a lack of art in my life. On the contrary, my life is full of live shows, classes, photographs & amazing experiences. I am truly grateful to be where I am and to know myself enough to choose art as my pleasure. 

Xoxo Goodnight